Monday, May 17, 2010
I have been dating recently trying to get back in the saddle. I already lost hope of a happily ever after between me and Nokia so I started dating again. Last weekend, I was in the mall checking out some boys at the Gap store when I saw my girl classmate back in high school. So we chatted a bit and in a spontaneous weird way, I lost control of my body and my body openly asked her out on a date. We dated yesterday.
Remember from the last paragraph I said "I started dating again"? Well, what I was really trying to say is that, "I started dating men again" So yesterday was quite different cause I haven't been dating a girl ever since a long long time ago in a galaxy far far away. My skills in handling girls have gotten rusty. I took her to a posh steak house and I had steak and she had salmon and we drank wine. Seems like a romantic date? well not really cause that's the only thing that happened. We talked about high school and some stuffs but there were awkward silences between topics. I discussed to her the beauty of the stock market and the business I'm in and cars that I like but she got bored and opened the topic about dresses and fashion. But she failed to impress me cause I know my brands (Well, what do you want my new D&G eye glasses to say to her puny liz claibornes ).
IN SHORT, the date was an epic fail!
It's just easier to date men. Maybe because I relate to men more than women cause I'm one of them ( men technically). Women for me are too complicated. After the date, thoughts were flying around my mind asking myself "are you sure you're still bi?" I can't deny that sex with men is much more fun than women but then again as I was cleaning the windshield of my car this morning and trying to remove the sticker mark (that thing that sticks and gets dirty when you rip a sticker) but can't, I realized that women are complicated but their complications are really worth the adventure. And the memories from those adventures sticks to you even how hard you try to remove it like the sticker mark..
I'm sleepy! good night.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
I have noticed that I have been staying longer in the bathroom than I usually do. This morning, it took me 2 hours in the bathroom which includes the 1hour and 30 minutes doing my thing in the shower. Immediately after brushing, I stick a whitening plastic thing on my teeth for 30 minutes. Before removing that whitening stuff, I apply a tea tree facial wash, tea tree scrub and tea tree skin toner on my face. Then I apply a seaweed skin pore protector. Then the moisturizer just after removing the plastic thing from my teeth.
After all that, I looked in the mirror and asked myself that question above. When I was just about to leave the bathroom, I suddenly realized that I was forgetting something. SUN BLOCK. My SPF 75 sunblock answered my question. Am I vain? The extreme heat has made those vanity stuff a necessity. Believe me, think of the hottest place you could think of (but not hell) then think hotter. That's how hot Manila is right now. Even my dog, a Siberian husky is having a hard time. We even have to place him in an air conditioned room and have him drink Gatorade (orange flavor only) all the time to prevent him from fainting. Manila is sizzling!
And I'm hot.
I usually have a tanned skin tone but the heat has caused my skin to darken, and caused my face to become more oily and prone to being dirty. Before being that vain, my skin was sticky and unpretty. Now they have restored and maintain my skin in its prime state (rosy smooth and light.) It's not like I don't like having a dark skin complexion, but most of my clothes are best worn with my lightened skin state. But for the teeth whitening, well it's just maintenance. It's really not just about being good looking, it's about being comfortable with myself.
So am I vain? yes but being vain is a necessity.
Monday, May 3, 2010
As I said, alcohol has been running around my veins for the past 6 days now. That goes without saying that I'm still a little boozy as I'm typing this now. I have been drinking "jack coke" (jack daniel's and coke. yum!) and vodka for the past couple of days now. Last night, I started to immerse myself (literally) to the world of wines. Last night I went out with my macho hot straight friends from my high school days. We went to this posh wine bar which I shelled out 500 bucks for my share in the wine bottle (My credit card company will be happy at the end of the month, but I won't). Like any typical hot macho straight guys, the topics were hot chicks and sex experiences. Everyone gave a story, but I wasn't behind. They look up to me like the master player but they don't know the girls in my stories are actually guys.Another topic of that evening was the controversial video of one of our guy friend kissing another guy. Apparently he was just dared to do that, but all of my friends including me condemned him.
I can say my friends are homophobes but after that drinking session, I felt I was the one with the issue.
I felt like a total hypocrite. My reaction after seeing the video of that friend who kissed another guy were so hypocrite. It's like every comment I gave was like a slap to my own face. I want to be totally out but I'm the one keeping myself locked up.
Tonight I chilled with Ro and went to an Italian bistro where we had a bottle of Italian wine. I felt so shitty before meeting up with him but when we met and talked and I told him about what happened last night, I felt relieved. Maybe it was the right decision to be partially "out" after all. At least I don't have to be a complete hypocrite.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
We talked, had some drinks, and sang (terribly). I haven't found my "what a wonderful world" song. (I can sing it perfectly with the rough voice).
AND I told those guys I'm gay.
Was it Spontaneous? NO. Was there a reason? Well, not really, maybe it was the alcohol, or the stress but I'm pretty sure the blogs I read have influenced me someway somehow. Reading a lot of blogs for the past 2 weeks made me see how much I got lost of the "real life." I have realized that it really takes a real man to say that they are gay (I know that sounds confusing, I hope you guys get my point) The thought of "coming out" had been running around my mind for 2 weeks. Yesterday that thought reached the finished line.
Anyway, Sands and C. knew ever since. So I was just expecting the others to be surprise. I was expecting a jaw dropping eye popping cliché of a surprise from all of them but they all just said "ok" Followed by the question "what type of gay are you?" Of course I said bi for convenience but I saw their eyes wanting more explanation.
The look in their eyes probably wanted a stereotypical answer. I got this from a blog I follow, (http://carwinscloset.blogspot.com). So here is my stereotypical and "opposed to the stereotypical" description of my gayness (It's easier to stereotype isn't it?):
1. I am a momma's boy
2. I think sports are boring
3. I am brand sensitive
4. I don't love to dance
5. Am very competent in handling machinery
6. I'm always clean
7. I have a trusty girl pal by my side (sands)
8. I don't have a limp wrist
9. I don't bend at my elbows a lot.
10. I'm not a drama queen.
11. I don't dress in drag (never)
12. I am into watersports.
13. I don't have aids.
14 I won't die of aids
15. I didn't caused Aids
16. I don't deserve to have Aids
17. I don't think of sex 24/7
18. I can maintain a long term relationship
19. I have more sex than straight men.
20. I don't LOVE Madonna (and Judy Garland. Britney Spears is fairly popular too)
21 I'm not feminine and I don't want to be a woman.
22 I hang out with straight boys more than girls.
23. I want kids
24. I don't always wear v-neck tight shirts. Nor do I love wearing skinny jeans
25 I don't style my hair a lot.
26. I have been involved with performing arts
27. I don't say “oh my god” and “like” all the time. I don't talk fast or say "girlfriend" or "sweetie" either.
28. I don't have any piercings
29. I'm not a child molester and I was not molested when I was a child.
30. I'm not attracted to every guy I see.
31. I don't think pink is my favorite color
32. I drink, swear and fuck like a straight man.
33. I don't have a high pitched voice.
34. And I don't listen to techno.
But don't get it wrong, I'm not completely out. I will soon find out if rumors are really fast. I gotta go to bed it's 5:30Am here.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
As you can see, there's the new "followers" gadget in the bottom-right section of my blog. I promised myself I would put it there only if there are already a lot of followers but I received an email from a reader who wanted to follow but can't see the follow button. Although it's right there at the top.
I know I placed that gadget there that shows only two followers although I know I have some more because they email me. (My pride told me to say that so I did).
I know this sounds pathetic, but I want to keep it real. Please follow me if you read my blog.
Friday, April 23, 2010
As charming as he WAS, it would have been peculiar to expect him to be a ditcher. I met him through an accidental text from my cellphone. We were both second year students then. Our love (I thought) was perfect; but then, when we were in our 4th year in college he suddenly disappeared. Only to know 5 months later from his email that he went to Guam for his US citizenship and that he wanted to get back with me; but it was already too late since I already had a new bf. (I'm only human ok, and bi).
Until now he hasn't returned any of my calls. Maybe he's just busy, or maybe he's trying to smash my heart again like he did the last time. But him charming me for the past 2 weeks trying to make me love him again ain't successful. I may still be physically weak, but I'm now emotionally strong.
For now, I'm gonna enjoy the outdoors. I'm buying a new dog by the way. I'm choosing between a siberian husky or a golden retriever. Which ever can make me sexier and manly.
Always sexy to see a guy holding his dong.... i mean dog
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
1-2 more weeks of the semi-bedridden life and still only a few drops of boredom. Ever since the regular visits of Nokia and my straight friends, my bedridden life turned out to be fun. The PS3 games, the poker nights and to some extent sleepovers.Since my parents are in HK and only the maids are with me in the house, Nokia decided to spend the night with me. I know what you guys are thinking, imagining, and to some extent singing (the song you first think of when sex comes to mind). And what you guys are probably thinking now is .....................true!
Ladies AND gentlemen, the semi-bedridden guy, had semi-bedridden sex!
It started when Nokia and I reminisced and talked about the times we had when we were still boyfriends. Then to stories about our sexual escapades. And then came his question, "Can you still DO it, will it hurt?" then I answered with "yes, of course your ass will hurt after I'm done with you." I was the top he was the bottom, although literally, he was on top. (I'm bedridden remember?!) Sorry, if I can't be too graphic, cause really, the sex was just all him and me flat down on my bed.
After all the sex of course, comes the guilt. He's my X and I remembered the reason why we broke up. (damn memories, damn guilt!). And I violated my rule AGIAN which is not to have sex with X boyfriends. During the guilt, I asked myself, why do all my Xbfs always end up being casual FUBUs?! Am I a whore? a slut? As my guilt level went down, I snapped back and answered that question. "That's why they are called xboyfriends, the best thing about them was just the sex. But of course, I may be wrong as Nokia would like to prove otherwise.
We woke up naked this morning and bathe afterwards. After we got dressed, Prince (from my "poyal rolitics" blog) knocked on my door and said Hi!. Nokia gave me the look which said "threesome?"
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Today, Nokia brought me to the eye doctor cause I told him my vision's getting blurry. He used their Van to accommodate my wheelchair. I was pleased with his effort but it won't be easy to make my heart beat again for him. Anyway, I know I should only stay at home for my fast recovery, but he sweet talked my mom into allowing us for an hour or two to go to the eye doctor. So an hour or two later, I had new glasses.
Now I see things in HD, rather than in LOMO. On hour way home, I looked at Nokia and saw his cute face again. For a second, I thought my heart gave me a beat, but then saw that it was just a speed bump.
Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to have glasses cause I thought it would add couture on my face , but now that I have them on, they feel uncomfortable and nerdy regardless of the brand. When we were home and in my room, I felt uneasy with the glasses so I took it off; but Nokia slammed them back on my face and said. "Put that back on, they're perfect for you and you need them. Otherwise, you won't see how sincere I am when I smile on you" *smile* (damn that smile! it always gets me)
I don't know if I would need a higher grade of lenses soon (if love blinds me again).
Thinking thinking..... seeing seeing...
Thursday, April 15, 2010
I'm not a fan of my dad's "transactions" and circle of political-business friends so I gave my dad "the look" and ignored Mayor 1 and his hot son. You can be rude when you're in a wheel-chair right? Since it's the election season right now in the Philippines, my father's been quite busy putting potential power hungry people in his shopping cart. This must be cool to some, but I don't brag it cause I'm ashamed of it. Our business might not have been as successful as it is today without those "transactions" but I will always be against it. I don't directly protest cause I rather prove to my dad that I can still do business (through my construction business) without the use of his "Circle"
At least the day didn't turned out totally bad. When Nokia and I were on our way back, Prince walked towards us and introduced himself. I invited him to play rockband and now we have a new drummer.. Nokia also bought the new GTA episodes from liberty city, the saboteur, and rockband beatles for me. I think Nokia wants to get back with me, he has been buying me a lot of stuff lately making my boring days much interesting...
Although I gotta put my Nokia on hold if Prince would "dub" me with his hotness.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
I shouldn't think of this as a setback right? right. So today until my full recovery. I decided to plan what I'm gonna do after all this shit is done.. Of course I will try to make my boring little month more interesting. I recently installed an HDTV and PS3 in my room. But it seems like it's just gonna be temporary cause I'm gonna ran out of games to play after i'm done playing all the missions. And don't worry, I think I can still make posts even being confined in my room.
With a few consolation of having a very young (superman) hot doctor visiting me once a week, and my X-boyfriend hanging out with me every other day, I'm gonna make the most out of this. I started this blog. Had a winning poker night with friends. Will be having a new ps3 game tomorrow care of my friends who will be visiting me. And of course, business as usual (converted my room to a satellite office).
With a doctor as hot as superman, who would eat their apple a day?
Monday, April 12, 2010
Anyway, I was saying that today was an exemption to the boring weekly meetings. Today, I was introduced to a new engineer that we needed to hire. He is the finest piece of 6 pack abs, delicious piece of ass I have ever seen. Although I did not ask him to strip to get the job, I was undressing him in my eyes from across the table. I'll call him Mr E. for now on.
As some or a few of you know, I decided to handle the construction arm of our family business mainly because I'm gay. Seriously, the best place to be if you're gay is the construction business. Although the construction industry frustrates me (Filipino construction workers aren't really good looking), I still feel that I'm perfect for it. It's full of men, and people won't really suspect I'm gay since I can blend myself with them. During the meeting, I was asked if we should hire Mr. E. Since we are in the telecommunication construction business. I asked him about knowledge in ERECTION of towers. He said "Sir, erection is my specialty"
MR. E. you're hired!!! be there in every meeting.
the problem with the construction business: too much muscle....
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Today I fulfill my wish to open another blog more open than my other blogs. My other blogs, I can say, turned out to be successful for me, but none of those really opens me up like I would do in this blog. Cause here I can freely say that I am gay. Thus Jack's open closet.
So Jack's Open Closet, (like some people in the blogging world), it is not my real name; Which is an irony. It is an irony not using my own name and stating that this time I will be all out in the open. But, I think the real difference between all my blogs and this blog is that I am completely anonymous except to those I invited to read this blog. Those who know I'm gay already. Which means I can write openly without limiting myself to whatever I wanna say. No censures, no B.S.. Just me. Besides, I didn't titled this as JACK OUT OF THE CLOSET.
You now might think that this guy would just post anything that involves the hardships and the experiences as well as the adventures of a closet queen. But with the power of anonymity, I'm all out. Don't get me wrong, I'm still discreet. But I'll be more out in terms of family, love, sex and whatever. And I prefer to keep my posts short.
Going all out in this blog wouldn't really mean that I'm gonna be interesting. But I hope you won't go back to your productive lives. I'll try to squeeze out the interesting out of me. Sooner or later you'll know my real name. But for now, just call me jack.