Thursday, March 17, 2011

Birthday week

You know that feeling you get the “day” after Christmas, New Year, Birthday or special occasions.  It’s like an empty hole in your body wanting to be filled-up with fun (or alcohol). I usually call it “back-to-reality” day. Yeah, I’m having a week of that right now plus a slight hint of memory loss. 

So, my birthday was on the 6th, but I had to make a hard decision whether to celebrate it on the 5th which is the 6th in Asia (my birth date) or just celebrate it on the date of my current location: Denver, Colorado. With the help of some friends, I decided to celebrate it on both dates plus ending up making it a whole week celebration. Last week was fun but I can only remember bits and pieces and the rest are stories from friends with their own “versions.” Since I cannot provide details of last week with accuracy, I rather not tell it at all. In fact, nobody wants to listen to “drunk stories.”  Right now, I'm in my best sober state with one week worth of unfinished paperwork; my brother’s yelling on my procrastination (but I’ll deal with that later). Life's slowly going back to reality. 

I’m now 23, I’m getting old. I’m still gay/ bi. The only thing that changed though is the setting; same main character different place and people around plus the bf. Living in Denver and being away from my family made my birthday week celebration so much liberating especially with my new gay friends around though my family thought I’m alone crying at the back of the store not celebrating my birthday, retards…. Last week was the “OUTest” I have ever been in my entire life and I LOVE IT. My bf made me a cake with a card saying “you’re not old baby, you’re just experienced. My lovely Asian tramp you.”

Sad part of my birthday week was that I wasn’t “out” with the rest of the people that I love, family and friends. But I guess that’s how my birthdays will be. Forgive me if this sounds like bragging but if I do go “out,” I’ll be cut me off from the family fortune which I can say is worth being in the closet for. Though with this android app that me and my friends are developing, once done, I’ll be very comfortable to tell my parents Im gay and not be afraid of being kicked out of the “family.” I know for sure life would be very much different if I’m out. One thing is I’ll know who my real friends are, and finally prove the term “I would totally be with you if I’m gay.” And since my parents are into arranged marriage, they’ll probably hook me up with another gay boy (that is if they accept me being gay).

Looking back on my 22’s, I can say I have done pretty well. Despite the lack of major achievements, I am still happy that I neglected myself from major failures. Though I feel I could have done more. While the “fun” gap is slowly closing itself and the memories of last week coming back, here I am in my store contemplating how I will play my 23. 

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Mandatory disposition

Arrived in L.A. 2 days ago expecting a more sunny Cali but to my surprise, I saw snow. I would understand getting stuck forever in i-5 but snow in burbank?! Anyway, we're (me and my brother) here for official business and so is my dad who got here before us. Since my birthday's coming up and my dad would be leaving before that day, last night we decided to celebrate my birthday at Flemings in palm springs with some of my dad and brother's friends. Try their choco java cake. it's awesome.

I'm turning 23, can you believe it?! My dad's friend told me that people start aging faster by the age of 23 which made me disturbingly realize that mine started when I was 20. It seemed like I look a lot older now than when I was 20 based from the pictures. And I feel really old. I get tired very easily. I don't get horny very often (that's a serious problem). HIV or Aids would explain it but I'm DnD free. I just don't have the same vitality or virility like before. Every time I go to a club or bar, I would look at the young blood dancing like there's no tomorrow and get flashbacks of me during "the days" with all those random boys that I french kissed on the dance floor. My only consolation is that I still look like a minor especially here in the US though it got me arrested for being publicly intoxicated as a minor. I would think they only got me for the p.i. but who knows...

I know I'm too young to have a mid-life crisis so maybe this "funlessness" in my life came from the busy lifestyle I have been having, there's no fun around my family AND business (note the AND).What I am really scared of is becoming an "old queen." or in my definition: someone who's too old to still be fooling around. Maybe I should settle down and get myself an LTR... I don't know..

I should stop thinking about it cause my birthday's coming up. That's it. It's said and done. It's not like I'm turning 30 right? And besides, i can't do anything about it. Growing old is mandatory.

However, growing up is optional. I can always be the young gay boy trapped in an adult's body.