Sorry guys, I have been trying to update for the past few days but I have been sidetracked by work and alcohol. The only thing I did with my laptop yesterday was to update my facebook status. Stress and alcohol are really creativity blockers. I'm turning back to the workaholic alcoholic bastard that I once was.
As I said, alcohol has been running around my veins for the past 6 days now. That goes without saying that I'm still a little boozy as I'm typing this now. I have been drinking "jack coke" (jack daniel's and coke. yum!) and vodka for the past couple of days now. Last night, I started to immerse myself (literally) to the world of wines. Last night I went out with my macho hot straight friends from my high school days. We went to this posh wine bar which I shelled out 500 bucks for my share in the wine bottle (My credit card company will be happy at the end of the month, but I won't). Like any typical hot macho straight guys, the topics were hot chicks and sex experiences. Everyone gave a story, but I wasn't behind. They look up to me like the master player but they don't know the girls in my stories are actually guys.Another topic of that evening was the controversial video of one of our guy friend kissing another guy. Apparently he was just dared to do that, but all of my friends including me condemned him.
I can say my friends are homophobes but after that drinking session, I felt I was the one with the issue.
I felt like a total hypocrite. My reaction after seeing the video of that friend who kissed another guy were so hypocrite. It's like every comment I gave was like a slap to my own face. I want to be totally out but I'm the one keeping myself locked up.
Tonight I chilled with Ro and went to an Italian bistro where we had a bottle of Italian wine. I felt so shitty before meeting up with him but when we met and talked and I told him about what happened last night, I felt relieved. Maybe it was the right decision to be partially "out" after all. At least I don't have to be a complete hypocrite.
Well, I absolutely detest wine, but I can certainly sympathize with the fun of drinking. Vodka's my poison of preference. Several power shots and you're feeling pretty damn good.
ReplyDeleteJack, I also went through a phase like that. Even down to talking about sexual exploits as if they happened with a woman instead of a guy. It is a temporary phase of hypocrisy, this is true, but I think it will go away when you are more out. I hope it is not a state you have to be in permanently.
Jack, I'm sorry. I feel bad for what you're feeling. You know my stand on this but I respect you.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget I will never leave you behind and I hate you so much.
-S