I received an email from my lawyer saying that our paperwork is almost done and that I can go back home soon to my country. But he said I could go back and forth to the US as I wish. That E-mail cleared the dark cloudy skies surrounding my emotional atmosphere. Soon I will be free from my brother and all his bullshit. I'm counting the days... I can't wait.
But there is this part of me that doesn't want to go back home. I love the US "the idea" and "the place" as long as my brother is not around. I know it's easy to say "why don't I just leave" but being part of a traditional dynastic family, I am tied up to my family as long as I cannot form my own, which I will soon do (with a guy). Anyway, what I love with the US especially with Denver (where my family's presence is not around) was the few number of visible Asians. Don't get me wrong, I don't despise or discriminate against Asians. I'm Asian of course. And I love being Asian. It's just that I love it when I'm the only Asian around cause it makes me feel unique,scarce or exotic. So that's my personal reason.
Another reason for me not wanting to go home is that I don't want to go back to that homophobic medieval country. Not many people know that Asian countries discriminate more than the Western countries when it comes to homosexuality. I noticed that in the US people are already debating about equal civil rights to gay people, but in the Philippines, it's still not acceptable to be gay; well at least not outright but there is always this underlying discrimination to gay people where almost all people associate gay to being weak or being cowardly. No wonder, there are a lot of closet gays in my country. I don't have the statistics cause you really won't get a proper number of people who will admit they are gay, duh... But seeing that a lot of those gays who are "out" in my country are trannys I would guess I am right. A lot of gay people in the Philippines in fact already caved in to the discrimination against them to the point that they believe it and already hating themselves plus losing all the pride to be gay.
I will be going home, that's inevitable. But I will come back. And I will make sure that my time back home will be worth my while. I am planning to go "out" to family and I am planning to form or strengthen (if there's an existing) the gay community in the Philippines and take out the ignorance and increase awareness of people regarding homosexuality as well as to educate to homosexuals what it is to be out and gay through social networking and technological mediums.
That's it for now.