Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Mandatory disposition

Arrived in L.A. 2 days ago expecting a more sunny Cali but to my surprise, I saw snow. I would understand getting stuck forever in i-5 but snow in burbank?! Anyway, we're (me and my brother) here for official business and so is my dad who got here before us. Since my birthday's coming up and my dad would be leaving before that day, last night we decided to celebrate my birthday at Flemings in palm springs with some of my dad and brother's friends. Try their choco java cake. it's awesome.

I'm turning 23, can you believe it?! My dad's friend told me that people start aging faster by the age of 23 which made me disturbingly realize that mine started when I was 20. It seemed like I look a lot older now than when I was 20 based from the pictures. And I feel really old. I get tired very easily. I don't get horny very often (that's a serious problem). HIV or Aids would explain it but I'm DnD free. I just don't have the same vitality or virility like before. Every time I go to a club or bar, I would look at the young blood dancing like there's no tomorrow and get flashbacks of me during "the days" with all those random boys that I french kissed on the dance floor. My only consolation is that I still look like a minor especially here in the US though it got me arrested for being publicly intoxicated as a minor. I would think they only got me for the p.i. but who knows...

I know I'm too young to have a mid-life crisis so maybe this "funlessness" in my life came from the busy lifestyle I have been having, there's no fun around my family AND business (note the AND).What I am really scared of is becoming an "old queen." or in my definition: someone who's too old to still be fooling around. Maybe I should settle down and get myself an LTR... I don't know..

I should stop thinking about it cause my birthday's coming up. That's it. It's said and done. It's not like I'm turning 30 right? And besides, i can't do anything about it. Growing old is mandatory.

However, growing up is optional. I can always be the young gay boy trapped in an adult's body.


  1. Snow in California is some fuckery. I know what you mean, though, about the midlife crisis at a young age. I always go through that ever birthday.

  2. I've been having the same experience the last couple years (only I never had the chance to really be the young guy living it up at the clubs). I think, though, that you will find a new-found happiness in being mature. The things you used to think were fun won't be as much any more, but I think you will find new things to enjoy, perhaps a LTR and or perhaps other things, that come from your increasing maturity.

    Don't be down, just look for the new things life will offer as you move from one stage of your life to another.